Holding On Faithfully

Now, where do I begin?

Principles, Beliefs and Commitments. These are big words, and in itself, almost something that seems unattainable.

Have you believed in something at one point of your life only to falter in the later part? Have you tried holding on to something, that by knowledge you know it's worth dying for and only to waver?

It's tough. And even tougher when you seems to be all alone in this walk. How do you hold on?

There are times giving up is not an option because what you held on in the beginning proves to be so valuable. To the point ignoring or shelving it seems to prick your conscience, hard.

You feel worst entertaining the thought of giving up. The truth is, it cannot not be part of your life. To give up is to deny yourself and to deny what you are here for.

It's tough, it's painful and you are all alone in this. You have no one to turn to, no one to share with and no one to held on to. It seems like you are the only one walking through this pitch dark tunnel knowing that you will see light one day yet wanting to give up being in the middle of it all.

Integrity: to continue to commit despite how your emotions are telling you.

It's hard holding on a day at a time and walking a step at a time.

Integrity!

Long Expired Post

My friends labelled me crazy and waste of time, but I do enjoy it.

My recent trip to Pulau Ubin was refreshing. I went just this Monday that past, 27th Oct 2008.

I spent time exploring the west area of Ubin, with initial plan to cover the entire island in 2 full days and boarding the noon boat home on the 3rd. And yes, here's the 'but', I have to work on Wednesday therefore I have to cut short my trip to 2 days 1 night. One other reason is that I am ill prepared for the trip.

Ok ok... I am weak (with all due honesty). I had like around 20kgs on my back pack plus a 4men tent. Of which, there are 6 bottles of 1.5litres of water and a 2.5litres waterbag, which totalled up of weight 11.5kgs. I don't know why do I bring so much of water???

Perhaps it's due to my motto back in army days... "'Always have extra water when I'm outfield'.

Never regret living by that motto I must say. So yeah... along with the rest of the items (food and clothings), I suppose it adds up to about 20kg inclusive of the tent.

The initial walk was pretty alright, (wait... let me check my log sheet)

The Times We Had

Looking back is always difficult.

Things that are already a past, have you embraced it? or are you learning and trying to?

Some things you let go, some people too. Did you regret? or was the letting go a right choice you have made?

Would things turn out better if you hadn't or it may be worst if you had held on?

There will never be an answer to all our questions, the hypothetical ones that we churned out. Asking ourselves and perhaps, hoping that the answers are that of which we want to believe in.

So what have we got here? A heart that misses that past, a heart to hope and want to change the past that we, at times, sorrowfully wept.

Why would we want to change anything that brought us smiles anyway? Doesn't make sense right?

See, looking back, we usually see the sorrowful moments that brought us down and we wished it'd never happened.

It is just one half of the perspectives and the human's inclination to lean towards the negative part of our lives.

Is it time to let go? Or perhaps, we may want to consider start embracing the positive future, that has yet to come to past.

'That'...

What's on your mind tonight?

A sudden emptiness that fills your heart? Oxymoron but don't we get that at times?

Chasing after so many things to find that when you come to the end of the road, it's futile. What or who can really fill the void?

Perhaps an answer that you may never find. Or perhaps an answer you chose to ignore, thinking that once you get what you are after, you will be fulfilled.

At least you may be chasing blindly, with a hope of being fulfilled. That may not be too may, with one being occupied by the processes of chasing the clouds.

So what if you know that you are chasing the clouds? That truth will not release you at all. In fact, it may let you sink in deeper into the void that you are trying to fill.

Solutions? Create another false front to cover up the illusion that you created.

Does it work? Perhaps not, unless you are that good in self deceiving yourself. You are the best liar to yourself. You created goals, dreams and ideas.

You seek to achieve it, with distinction. You failed and sunken deep within. You get depressed and blame the world for failing you. You grew bitter and tight up.

Perhaps you look at the light; seeing the next morning to be another sunshine day. Tomorrow will be a better day! You firmly believe in your words. Your words failed you tremendously. The world sucks!

How can you live another day? without pain? You can't. You are handicapped from your own optimistic view. You handicapped yourself from the bitterness that spawn within you.

Where is the hope? Where is the sunshine after the rain?

You have no where to turn to... You wait. And wait...

In the hope of that... 'That' which you do not know, 'That' which you wished it was coming, 'That' which you wished it will rescue you, 'That'... what is that 'That'?

'That', you wish it is...

An Improvement???!!

decided to read my blog out of sudden while 'hunting' Rena's blog. Still can't find it (sorry LN if you happened to read this, i reformatted my pc and all bookmarks are erased).

the main point: I managed to 'spot' my grammatical errors in my previous blog.

I found it horrendous and disdained that my grammar was that bad. i still am but improving as time goes.

somehow, i did not consciously worked on the improvement, but it somehow hit the sub-conscious mind and Wahlah... I improved.

I wished i had put in effort during school days and get it all right, but i did not. Still, i don't think it's too late to start now.

My Rejected Soul

Rejection comes upon me and my heart

My soul cries out in sorrow and despair

Why your face turns away from me?

And you heard, when I call

I turned and call upon You

You comforted and embraced me

You reject me not, like man does

And You heard, when I call

I wondered where the broken line is

Why and what caused the tear

I am deeply disturbed and my soul troubled

How, then, can be tear be mend?

I turn my focus upon He who loves

He calls me by my name softly by my ear

My love is all you need and fear not of rejection

For I was there when I was rejected

He keeps Me close.

I'm back... but who's reading anyway..???

Yes... that sounds pathetic because it's pathetic.

There are many things I want to write in here, but I can't. Don't ask me why... the reason is bigger that I am.

Nevertheless, I still can share some other mundane stuff.

Started my training for next year's biathalon. Yes yes... I started with my short run, real short indeed. Timing for last year was 1hr 55mins. I want to go below 1hr 30mins.

I think it's possible, just gotta work hard. Hopefully I start on my swim soon.

What else???

Gosh... I just can't share on so many things. It's good and bad.

Oh well... I'll stop here then!

I'm back...!!!

The fact is... 'no one' reads this blog. I don't 'advertise' it nor do it tell all my friends so why the heck am I putting an entry anyway?

Doesn't matter eh. I write just because I can and I'm able to.

It's been almost two years since I add an entry. Well, that real long man or was it not?

Time flies...

I actually forgot my blog's addy and that I did had a blog page. It wasn't until my so-called 'English Teacher' asked me if I had a blog when I sent her my 'homework'.

She asked me if I had a blog (via email) and I was like... I think I do. So I went around hunting for my blog addy. And yes, I forgot my blog's addy and sign in name. It took me more the 30mins hunting around, testing & searching the correct blog addy that I eventually 'found' my blog's addy and sent it to my 'English Teacher'.

Part of your life (or things) slipped you by if one lost the awareness. I didn't remember that I had a blog till Michelle (my English Teacher) asked me, and I certainly didn't take note about it even when my friends mentioned that they are going to blog their lives.

Why do I even bother to blog 'again'??

No idea. Like I mentioned above, no one reads this blog.

Perhaps I'm just seeking the 'attention' from myself. :P

It's been a long while... and I'll be back eh...

With Love

how or what???

reading blogs that post topic about love and relationships really makes me feel that many people out there seems to be ignorant about love.

I'm not an expert in the field nor have I been through many relationships to say that I'm experience.

A parallel analogy that I find it quite close to how to have a successful relationship. I think...

Many years back, in fact, during my school days, my English teacher once shared with my class on studying. Successful people clears their exams at their first shot. She goes on to explain, taking 'O' levels as an example... People who did well in their 'O's did it the 1st and only one time. Taking 'O' levels a few more time doesn't make one to be experience and excelled better than those who took only 1 time.

It's pretty true when it comes to relationship. There are marriages that is so-called 'Arranged Marriage'. Relationship 'blossomed' after being together, or to say... married. Many survived and moved on to be happy and enjoyed a blissful marriage. I'm not saying it's across the board.

How then, in this society, can we achieve that???

Read my fren's blog recently and there were questions thrown to her which makes me feel that it's quite mundane. Of the questions being asked, most of it is about a 'want', the way the question is being phrase, in fact, I can jolly well say that even the 'giver''s motivation comes from a want.

Do we not give anymore??? As freely as we should??? If the 'giving' is motivated from a 'want', where then, is the spirit of love???

Below are the 'stupid' questions asked:

1) ...to a guy friend who ask you what a man must do to make the girl he loves happy?
2) ...to a girl who is in love with someone she does not really trust?
3) ...to a good friend who prefers to leave her life to Fate, and believes she's meant to be lonely and loveless?
4) ...to a sister who is hurting from the loss of one love, and confused about the love from another?


Successful relationships usually are success during the 1st try. You can have many relationships before, but what I mean is that when the right one has comes, usually it takes 1 go at it and end of story.

Breaking up, then patching up again. Broke off and comes back together again, boy... it's better to live life without each other. Get what I mean????

And can we consider that a person who has numerous relationships is very experienced and knows how to handle one?? Think again. If that person proclaimed (I shall put it in masculine voice but applies to female eh) he is experience and knows how to handle relationship well, how then, does he still has a lot of relationships and not yet settle down???

Think again eh!!!

Many of all these relationships problem and disagreement comes for a want. "I want" and never "I love". It is only from a want, that one desires blind one's eyes to see the real deal.

With thoughts on others, it would be like, "what would my partner wants to have for dinner??"
or "what would make my partner happy??" instead of "how to make my partner happy?".

Everyone who is in relationships and has been with the partner, somehow or rather, knows the person well enough. If you don't, you better go do some soul searching. Hence the question would be 'What?' rather than 'How?'. Yes it sounds the same, but think again.. if 'What' = 'How', they would be the same word and spelling.

Have you showered love to your love ones today???

Got a...

wat happened when you suddenly realised that you out there all alone???

how would you feel???

Would you:

A) Shout out hoping that someone would hear you
B) Frantically runs around searching for another living soul
C) Stay put and wait

In our lives, i believe we all come across this stage. It came back. Alone in the crowd, some how or rather... communications with people seems difficult and frequency dont' seem to be in tune.

What happens next???
i guess it's the point of time where i'm stuck and especially with people. Comms down... which is one of the fearful thing in time of war. You can't reach out niether can you be rescue. You walk... you run... hoping to meet friendly forces, best still if it's from your battalion or your company...

That's when you know you'll be safe... and you sit down any asked,

"Got a cigarette...???"

a state of equilibrium

What happen when you take one plate of a balance away??? The other side falls of course...

To be at equilibrium, it has to have the plate, of the same weight. Where the pointer will be at zero. That's a good thing, for the balance that is.

It is often how fast we forgot this simple equipment can teach us many of life's values. Balance, is something thing that many don't realise how important it is in life. And how that equal weight of the plate can be a metaphor for many things.

Like love, responsibility, eagerness, rewards etc... How much rewards equals to how much effort puts in. How much tenderness you get from your partner is how much love you put in (though some may not agree). You'll get my point if you read on.

Often than not, the balance tends to dip on one side. That's where the ambiguous statement comes in. To reach a state of equilibrium, one has to study the amount of weight that was put up on the opposite side, carefully add weights or to slowly remove the weights on your side of the plate. It cant be more nor less... if equilibrium is to be reach.

So how then, does this becomes a metaphor for our lives???

In relationships, many don't understand how come they don't work out with each other. That's probably because many don't want to listen or are not sensitive to the symptoms that your partner is giving out. Or have you not been noticing that you are putting in too much??? Not getting that desire 'rewards' could be that your side of the balance is dipping...

Think about it!

She drives me CRAZY

As usual, many thoughts and experiences are snowball for sharing thus leaving some forgotten. Perhaps we do that to ourself and also to the people around us at times.
Have you???
Well, I'm sure I did. I'm sorry if I have not called, emailed nor sms you my dear friends, I still treasure you and still look forward to having a cup of nice, hot cuppucino with you.

As for my recent days... Yes... After 10 over years of avoiding the road, more of the driving i suppose, I finally took the steps n passed my driving. Yes, I can drive on the road finally. The joy of passing was mere estatic, the passing that is.

After driving some time, I'm still a little reserved on driving itself. It's like, I hv to take note of so many things while on the road. Looking left, then right, front, then back. Have to regulate my speed, look of for the Traffic Police. Boy... it's quite sickening to drive in Singapore, perhaps it's the same every where.

I rather be driven around. Less hassle and energy consumed. It's like only 2-3 days after getting my vehicle, I gotten into small 'accidents'. First of all, I brushed my left rear rim on the kerb by the mulit-storey carpark while making my rounds down. Twice in a roll that is.

Next, few days later, I was halting by a bus stop near Holland V to check out the maps, I parked too close the kerb and dented my front rim. More of the rim cover. Got worried if it will affect my tyres more of the dent itself. By the way, I laugh at myself and the scratches n dents more of feeling heart pain.

Lastly, on the same day where I dented my rim cover, I 'crashed' into a pole while reversing into a multi-storey carpark and broke my rear halting light. The top one.

Bottomline is, I dun care abt such trival matters as long as the accident does not affect the safety of the driver n his passengers and other road users. The cracked rear lights and the dent... cant be bother with it.

The primary purpose of the vehicle is to help me generate income, as long as it serve its purpose, I cant be bother with the 'accidents' other than the necessary n impt things to look out for.

The bottomline is... I HATE DRIVING...

Life's Beautiful

Boy boy boy...........

It's really been a long time since I post a post... Hmm... what a weird phrase. 'post a post'...
Anyway... Many things I would like to share here though. For those who had read my blog, I thank you for dropping by. Will never know who are you unless you leave your comments.

First of all, in all my twenty over years, I finally watch soccer. Cant believed i'm doing it. Sheesh... Watching 22 ppl running around for a stupid ball, a phrase I always used to describe soccer. I guess i'm in this time round.

I guess i'm doing it more for the gathering of friends, being together, shouting, screaming and putting down each other on the teams they support respectively. I mean, I hate soccer. But... the opportunity of every one gathering together is rather hard to come by, at least there are moments where gambling is not involve... among us that is.

This bunch of 'soccer fanatics' when meet up, usually end up at a card game if not mahjong. I kinda sick that I have to come to a state whereby gambling becomes the only mode of entertainment among us. Sheessh...

Still, I'm gald that thru the WC '06, all of us have become a little closer and less the gambling other than during the 1/2 time. Haha...

Just celebrated some our friends birthday. The July babies, went to Straits Cafe at Hotel Rendezvous... Dunno I might be sue for this, but the food was actually... (you fill in the rest).

I guess the chatting part was off, but the suaning is always there. How come my friends cant hold a decent conversation??? Nevertheless, they are a fun bunch to be with at times.... haha


Rite rite... weeks back, I was attending and performing at NDP 6th Exco mtg. Well, I finally Princess Pris, a fellow blogger. She recognised me, which was surprising. She came over and was like...

"You're.... Eisen rite?"

I looked left and right... "yup I am..."

it was good to finally met up with fellow blogger. Especially when you do read her blog and constantly finding out how her life was. It's a truly awesome experience. Anyway, she's a real nice lady, soft spoken and gentle.

It ponders me why in the world a lady like her wanted to join SAF and her reply was.... "I always wanted to be in uniform group..." Boy... i was thinking in my head... MacDonalds has uniform too... haha



Well, in fact, so did I. Just that mine's a little specific. I wanted to be in the Army. When I wanted to sign on, everyone was somehow telling me to think twice... to reconsider here n there. When I was out, everyone told me the exact opposite saying, "Perhaps you should have joined the Army" haha

Ironic but true, that's life. Well... back to Princess Pris...
Of cos, as normal, I entertained her with my brand of magic, coupling up a few of my repertoires and wahlah... I blowed her off her top... hopefully but not literally.

We spent the rest of the nite in each other's company drinking, chatting and watching the fireworks display. It was awesome... the company and the fireworks. Never really enjoyed fireworks, but this time, it was nice. The cheography was fantastic matching the company, what can I asked for man...

Well, Princess Pris.... If you are reading this, please send me the photo we took that nite so I can finally add it to my blog...

Have a good evening everyone!!!


Birthday Boys making their wish














The whole bunch of us...

a new creation

Has it gone to drain? Or do we stop believing?

Knowledge, convictions, things that we learnt and was taught. Our moral up bringing... has it been compromise?

As we grow older, many things seems to be able to 'stretch' a little... Well, at least our moral does. Are we compromising ourselves by stop upholding what was once dear to us, our morals values.

Recently, I realised that I am no longer than staunch as I used to. In fact, over the recent years, I kinda 'stretch' my limit on acceptance of undesirable behaviour. I accepted that of myself and my frens' values... Or was 'tolerance' the 'proper' word here?

I still do not certain behaviour, but I am not standing up to it. Why??? Perhaps no one likes to be reprimand nor being told or what's right and what's wrong. Do I fear the fact that telling or giving my gentle reminder and that of five cents worth of thought would gain me nothing but irritance from my mates?

I dunno, although I don't accept, I 'followed' any way. At times I felt I should walked away from such behaviour, but does it help just doing that? WIth my prescence, am I telling my frens that I'm supporting their decisions or am I trying to understand them and finding a way out to dissauade them from doing so?

I don't have a 100% perfect morals discipline, at times I can be a little off. Yes... I made mistakes, not that of hurting anyone. But I find that the one ultimately being hurt is myself. Guiltiness that stays within my conscience, the uneasiness living day to day when the memories of the wrong doing that I did comes back and haunt me...

Father God, forgive me. Forgive me totally, cleanse me with the Blood of Christ that I can be clean and pure once again in your sight and stays in your prescence. I hardly confess to you often enough and asked for your forgiveness, yet your mercy and love kept pouring upon me day by day, night by night. I hardly deserved any but you remain faithful to your words and promise to me despite I hurt you with my wrong doing.

Uphold me and create in me a new heart. One that was once pure and clean in your sight. Let the heart of Christ be my heart that with each heart beat, it's you that I'm beating for...

Let's take a walk together...

The idea of fallin in love seems scary to some people. Perhaps to them, it's something to avoid by all means.

What could be the reasons behind?

Breach of trust? Not planning to commit? The fear of being hurt again?

All in all, it sums down to one phrase... Fear of Uncertainty...

It's not difficult to understand that why people fear. Everyone has a dream and ideal when it comes to love and relationship. Every one wants it their way.

Many who survived till their spouse past away knows one thing for sure, a willing 'compromise' (not the best choice of words, but my vocab is limited. You get what I mean). Then again, retracting a little, not many actually know or live by it, but their relationship still survived to 'till death do we part'.

What am I trying to say here? Broken relationships leave us dry mentally and emotionally. With all disappointment, we don't dare to accept another one, or to start.

How then, can we pull ourselves through and take that step of faith?

Confidence... Have confidence of ourselves, yourself. Have faith that you are able to make the next relationship good and better. Not necessary exactly the way you want. Think about it, we cannot always have our ways. It's relationship and we can't be autocratic about it.

So, having two 'failed' relationships myself, what makes me sounds like a guru at this? Well, basically I find myself giving my best in all, me and my previous beau just can't take that path to marriage. Perhaps my best isn't what they are looking for, but with my love and romance (I am quite a romantic person, at least not of my own words), I feel that I love them with all that I have.

Well, nevertheless, I do 'compromise' willingly and gave my beaus every love I could muster and of course... Every day then, was falling in love for me...

falling hopeless in love...?

What is it like to meet that someone special? How would I feel? How would I react? What will we talk about? Or share? Will there be full of laughter? Or will there be plain silence where we both know that we are enjoying each other's company?

Where will we bump into each other? What is my so-called 'pick up line'? And her response? A smile, grin, or a immediate walk away yet so slow that it's telling me to follow? I always wonder how would I meet my next special girl of my life? After all, I would say I'm quite hopelessly romantic kinda person... though can be a little eccentric confess I must.

Most of my friends always asked me if I am finding someone, well, I never like the idea of using the word 'FIND'. It's like... making one desperate emotionally and physically. I never like that notion at all. I would usually replied, "Well, you don't find, she'll appear when time comes." Indeed it hasn't, or maybe not. Haha...

Well, I'm pretty sure that that time will come, perhaps for the 'when?', I'm not too sure. I do hope it will be hopelessly romantic, or at least upon reminiscing of how our love life, it would be as so.

Then again, will we be together? Will we get married? Or are we looking for that romance that is forever in our heart, something that we will bring out whenever we feel down or sad; just to put a smile on our lips. A romance that can't be compare with any others, perhaps not even with our present spouse or partner. Reason being, if we decided to be together, that beautiful romance will fade and turn dark, perhaps it won't be the romantic romance we yearn for anymore.

Whatever it is, I believe in Love and Romance everlasting. Ideally, spending the rest of my life with that special someone. Will I get to? Time will tell...

Seven under Par

It's been quite some time since I last shared my thoughts. Quite. Things happened so quickly that I do not know where to start actually.

First of all, I hosted 2 weddings in a row over 2 weekends. Somehow, I think I am signing on to this new found 'career'. Haha... Perhaps I should consider selling it as a service.

Although I love weddings, working in one is actually kinda different. At times, I felt special, and others, I don't. I guess it's pretty much who are you 'working' for. How close is the bride and groom to you. If it's someone whom you know but not very close, I think the feeling is just mutual. Nevertheless, I enjoyed most of the sessions I was hosting in.

Nevermind that. I realised, I should be more active in my work. I should be pushy towards myself, which for the past week, I did pushed myself a little. Work has been progressive, and I praise God for His blessings.

Looking at the tv show 'Yong Bu Yan Bai' makes me even more motivated to bring my work towards excellence. I sometimes wonder if these contestants realised that they are not just not good, but they terrible. Terrible singers, terrible jokers and terrible entertainers. The word 'terrible', I consider, is already being gracious to them. I can never understand those people who take part in America Idol, minus the able singers, they dressed up outrageously fanciful and worst of all can't sing a single proper note. Then again, it's in the US, so I guess these people are pushing their luck to its limit. But in Singapore??? Don't these contestants know that there's no easy path towards success in the line of entertainment??? If, by singing badly is able to get them fame, they should realise that it's probably a negative one.

I seriously hope that Mediacorp will come out something solid, something that is worth my time to watch. These so-called contest is actually, I feel, 'making a fool of yourself tv show'. By no means I am insulting the tv program, but I do feel that although there people deserved a 'second chance', I do hope that they at least put in effort to put up a good show and for the judges, at least select those who can make it.

Now... here are some photos from my friend n cousin's wedding.


Me n Winston











Me my bro and my cousin

Me n my niece, Rena

a little sharing...

Few things that I would like to share here, but I hope I won't dooze off half way. Haha... here goes...

Firstly, I experienced the life of an hawker. It's extremely tiring. My friend's worker was on off last Wednesday, so he called me up 2 days before and asked me to help him out for a day. Thank God it was only a short, but terrible 8 hrs. I promised myself never to volunteer such lobang again. I had to wake up at 5am, where he picked me up on a cab. It was a short ride as his stall is in Bishan, and we stay in Ang Mo Kio. The fact that I slept at 230am that very morning and had a couple of drinks with my friend made the whole experience worst. Well, more of ill-discipline on my side. I thank God that it was not a busy morning. Looking at what my friend did that morning made me tell myself never to step into this line. Not that it's not a lucrative business, but the fact that so many work had to be done and usually ends up oily, sticky n dirty... Man... I can't take it, not for the rest of my life.

I used to work part-time at another friend's hotpot stall, it was much worst. Cleaning the table, alot more work though. My friend had to fried the bee hoon, kway teow n mee. The eggs, sausages, harsh brown etc. Boy... I didn't realise it was that oily. Imagine that I lurve fried bee hoon and the dishes that comes along with it. It changed my mind on having it again. I had been very health conscious ever since I left Army. Putting on weight after my service is kinda demoralizing. I worked very hard to shed off those pounds when I was in the service. Now I have to work even harder since I don't have a proper training schedule, no more out field and physical training, it makes self-discipline even tougher to uphold.

Morever, I run at least 5km twice a week but it seems that it only maintain my present weight, but not shedding more pounds off me. Super demoralizing. It sums down to my diet. I don't take oily nor sweet nor salty stuff. Not even ice-cream, but no matter how much I exercise, my tummy stays with me. Darn. Perhaps is the alcohol, well, that is one thing I find it hard to abstain. Haha... I simply love to drink, not that I'm an alcoholic, but I just enjoy the chilling out with friends. Hmm...

Anyway, waking up at 5am is something that had not been in my dictionary for a very very long time. The last time I woke up almost that early was some time after my NS. I tried to bring my army regime to my newly found civillian life. Apparently it does not work that way, the time before was for my friend's wedding. Well, had to do gate crashing. Sheesh... you know what I mean.

Bottomline is... a hawker's like is indeed tough. When there's rainy days, sale goes down. Worst when the coffee shop opposite you has a similar stall. Fighting prices is inevitable, and the quality of the food has to maintain at high standard each and every day. Tough...

Next... I'm ultra pissed with my driving instructor. He's quite unprofessional. I might be a slow learner, but his attitude is a little overboard. Perhaps the toothpaste effect is true. Get some loose some. It's cheaper going to a private instructor, but quality is indeed bad. Well, he's not that exactly that bad, but recently I am quite impatient with him. My test is next month and I have yet to learn serveral of the important aspect of driving. For example, parking. 3 weeks ago, I mentioned to him that I had not learn parking. He was like... ok, we'll do it next week. The week after, he didn't taught me either.

Last week, I asked him if I'm learning parking, he took me to a secluded place to learn parking, there was 2 other cars there. After staying for 10-15 mins, we left. Darn... the 2nd lesson for that week, I ask him are we learning parking again, guess what he said??? "Didn't I taught you already?" Boy... it really pisses me off. I retorted, I have yet to learn reverse parking, pararell parking and normal parking. What the hack is this man??? I would never recommend him to anyone man. If I fail my coming test due to things that he did not teach me, I will make sure he gets loads of shit from me. How can anyone be so unprofessional? He took advantage of my time here and there, which I am flexible about it, but not teaching me the properly, it's unforgiving at all.

I realised from my friends that certain things is actually not the right thing to do as a student. Such as crossing of arms when doing U-Turn, or when changing of lanes, one should do it gradually instead of sudden entering to the next lane. I didn't realised I had so many mistakes. Darn that instructor. I will definitelymake sure he gets what he deserved if I failed my test due to his negligence.

Ok... it's bed time. Have to wake up for church later. Nite to all...

The Wrath of Boredom

What happened when you are bored?

I lived in solitude, despite being alone most of my time, I am very used to being alone. But there are time when boredoms comes knocking on my door, it freaks me out totally.

I don't drive, that takes one less avenue for me to find 'entertainment'. Well, if I drive, I could at least hit the beach or go for a spin. But I don't... sheesh... so staying home is probably the option for me. Finding things to do at home. Dvds, X-box (i don't play games often, generally I don't enjoy playing computer games at all), surfing internet or reading. But being a lazy person in mind, I find it hard to really read. Ain't much of a 'patient' man though I like reading. My mind is like... anyway, my mind gets turn off easily.

Pretty contradicting huh??

I'm bored... nite all!

Songs of Songs

How long has it been? Almost two years. I have not been dating ever since. Well, probably not not dating. In relationship. Somehow, the thought of getting into one is 'scary'. My good friend, well, who is getting married soon, asked me why am I afraid to get near to girls? Encouraging me with all sorts of ideas that cooks out from his head. Trust me, the ideas he gave wasn't much encouraging at all. At least not of the proper reasons.

I felt that... the ideal relationship, my ideal, was perhaps to idealistic? Kinda like very dramatic. As if penning my own love story; might just be a fantastic one. I'm afraid. Seriously. How is it like to fall in love again? What am I going to do about it? How am I suppose to react? I''ll panicked, big time. On the contrary, I am looking forward for the one coming, but am I ready? I dunno. I dun want to know.

I'm not bothered by all my friends who's getting married or those who are attached if not planning to. Having a good share of friends who are still single, well, not making it relief either. I'm contradicting myself. Big time. Sounds confusing? Yes it is. It's my mind afterall, penning it in a weird manner, that should you understand, well, nice. If you don't, perhaps I'll hear from you.

Anyway, bumped into the gal I had serious crush on during school days. Two days ago in fact. Coincidental, maybe, but I would like to call it affinity. Hey hey... sounds familiar eh. I get panicked whenever I see her, well, I still do. That day was no difference. I called for her, but not after thinking about it twice. To think about it, when do I even think twice about it at all? She's the only one I want to bump into all these while. Anyway, lost her contact ever since she moved. I was a whimp back then, probably due to my low self-esteem. Well, when you're over-weight and fat, gosh, your guts get sinked down.

She still look gorgeous as usual, in my eyes at least. We didn't had much time to catch up. Both of us have to go somewhere else. Well, I might just stay, perhaps I will actually do so. Silly me.

Might pop her an email, perhaps.

Anyway, back to the main. Love, I'm reading Song of Songs presently, it's quite an artistic piece. The manner Soloman wrote, man, I need commentary should I want to get through in one piece. Can you imagine:

You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride;
You are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice of fruits,
with henna and nard,
nard and saffron,
calamus and cinnamon,
with every kind of incense tree,
with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spicies.

How this to describe a lady's virginity?

It would probably take me years to come a this level of expression, although I might, in my own ways do so. No one really writes it that manner any more, I might be wrong.

Songs of Songs is about love. Different ways Solomon expressed through usuage of common things in his time. Perhaps we might use computers and chips, or stock markets or X-box as metaphor for our love. It's up to one's imagination. For me, it's still song. I'm kinda traditional to a certain sense. I hummed it out. Was walking back home from dinner one day and all of a sudden, I hummed a tune, kinda great I must say. It's about love, telling someone how much I cared and appreciated the person. Then again, I'm single. So I sang it to God. Well, can't just turn to any stranger in the street right? They might just think a new season of Gotcha is back.

How I wish there's someone to sing to... I forgot how the song goes...