Songs of Songs

How long has it been? Almost two years. I have not been dating ever since. Well, probably not not dating. In relationship. Somehow, the thought of getting into one is 'scary'. My good friend, well, who is getting married soon, asked me why am I afraid to get near to girls? Encouraging me with all sorts of ideas that cooks out from his head. Trust me, the ideas he gave wasn't much encouraging at all. At least not of the proper reasons.

I felt that... the ideal relationship, my ideal, was perhaps to idealistic? Kinda like very dramatic. As if penning my own love story; might just be a fantastic one. I'm afraid. Seriously. How is it like to fall in love again? What am I going to do about it? How am I suppose to react? I''ll panicked, big time. On the contrary, I am looking forward for the one coming, but am I ready? I dunno. I dun want to know.

I'm not bothered by all my friends who's getting married or those who are attached if not planning to. Having a good share of friends who are still single, well, not making it relief either. I'm contradicting myself. Big time. Sounds confusing? Yes it is. It's my mind afterall, penning it in a weird manner, that should you understand, well, nice. If you don't, perhaps I'll hear from you.

Anyway, bumped into the gal I had serious crush on during school days. Two days ago in fact. Coincidental, maybe, but I would like to call it affinity. Hey hey... sounds familiar eh. I get panicked whenever I see her, well, I still do. That day was no difference. I called for her, but not after thinking about it twice. To think about it, when do I even think twice about it at all? She's the only one I want to bump into all these while. Anyway, lost her contact ever since she moved. I was a whimp back then, probably due to my low self-esteem. Well, when you're over-weight and fat, gosh, your guts get sinked down.

She still look gorgeous as usual, in my eyes at least. We didn't had much time to catch up. Both of us have to go somewhere else. Well, I might just stay, perhaps I will actually do so. Silly me.

Might pop her an email, perhaps.

Anyway, back to the main. Love, I'm reading Song of Songs presently, it's quite an artistic piece. The manner Soloman wrote, man, I need commentary should I want to get through in one piece. Can you imagine:

You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride;
You are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice of fruits,
with henna and nard,
nard and saffron,
calamus and cinnamon,
with every kind of incense tree,
with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spicies.

How this to describe a lady's virginity?

It would probably take me years to come a this level of expression, although I might, in my own ways do so. No one really writes it that manner any more, I might be wrong.

Songs of Songs is about love. Different ways Solomon expressed through usuage of common things in his time. Perhaps we might use computers and chips, or stock markets or X-box as metaphor for our love. It's up to one's imagination. For me, it's still song. I'm kinda traditional to a certain sense. I hummed it out. Was walking back home from dinner one day and all of a sudden, I hummed a tune, kinda great I must say. It's about love, telling someone how much I cared and appreciated the person. Then again, I'm single. So I sang it to God. Well, can't just turn to any stranger in the street right? They might just think a new season of Gotcha is back.

How I wish there's someone to sing to... I forgot how the song goes...

In Focus

Weddings, I love weddings. Less the Ang Bao would be ideal, other than that, well, it's a joyous occassion.

Was helping my good friend planning his wedding since January. The nice thing about this particular wedding was that the bride and groom are my friends. I know each of them personally. Grew up in church, well, for almost ten years now.

Of course, the credits do not go to me alone. There's many others involved, there's the gate crasher team, the church wedding and dinner. I was more obvious for the dinner.

The thing about planning for a wedding is... it is exactly the same planning for any other events, be it commercial or not. There bound to be unhappy moments involved and also misunderstandings. The fact that it's a wedding makes it a little easier to control I suppose. Just look at the bride n groom, thankfully they are not the nonchalant type. Believe me, there are those who do not want to lay a hand nor make major decisions.

It's usually the friends or relatives, in this case, friends, that actually strained a little of their friendship. People making the decisions, the planning team, tends to want their decision to be kept and respect by everyone else. Which means, a friendly suggestion will often than not, be looked upon as a destroyer to the perfect plan. I always wonder why people find it hard to give a little attention to suggestions. Afterall, it's only a 'SUGGESTION'. You are not oblige to adopt them, perhaps to consider it???

That's where the value of friendships comes in. Insist your way or looking at the goals to achieved? Lame suggestions are not part of the topic here (that of course, should get rebuked and perhaps thrown tomatoes). The aim is to make the wedding day smooth and memorable for the couple.

For a while, I actually want to show attitude when my suggestions was brushed off. Trust me, it was for the precaution, and that was actually from the initial plan but was later changed which I do not know how it got there. I took a step back, look at the overall picture for a while. Here are my two good friends, who were by my side in my deepest and darkest period, they are committing to a union which then I had doubts about it. And in light, I am very happy for them, minus the tears. I then realised that all I wanted was to be a part of the contributors to make that day a success.

I opened my heart, take no offences at whoever brushes me off, telling me my ideas was crappy or putting me down. On the actual day, though I did made certain suggestions but was told otherwise of the plan, I kept mum and follow through. Little 'respect' was given but what the hack, I still kept mum and follow through. Doesn't help to make a fuss nor to argue. The most important thing was to make the groom n bride happy, everyone happy. I realised that the goal, does acutally keeps one alive and focus.

I could have done lotsa nasty things or utter nasty words, but it doesn't provide help to the wedding. I did not take anyone's comments to heart for I focus on making the couple happy and stress-free.

Someone poked at me from that morning till nite. I'm oblivious to the fact that why the person did what was done, but I supposed I wasn't really 'hurt' by that person's behaviour towards me. One point in time, I felt like steaming up. I mean... how does it feel to have a person poking at you for the whole day? Think about it... but the fact that my goals for the day was the couple, so I 'rebuked' that person with a friendly smile yet sending the message through that the nonsense had to stop. I turned away with a smile and walked off.

I believed everyone present at that point of time was able to read from my face and understood my words. If they don't, which is even better, it's alright either.

So... in whatever was done, especially for a friend, if not like mine, for two friends, keep focus on the love for the friends and try not to steer away from it. Eventually, if things get personal, it will cause a strain on friendship, which I value very much in my heart.

You can hate me, detest me or even best, get angry at me, I LOVE you still. Each and everyone of you with every single bit of my love. I poured it all out and am still pouring on to you.

Well, as usual, here are the highlights of the wedding:










the Gate Crashers &
the Gate Keeper

The Hakka Clan

The Gate Crashers

me with the couple, Keith & Peiyu

Together, we shall walk hand-in-hand

Refiner's Fire

Have you hug someone lately?

I know I haven't... wouldn't it be good if there's someone there that yearns for your hug?
I doubt it's a perfect idea. Not being pessimist here, looking it into a deeper level, it might becomes a responsibility or an obligation. Some times... you just dun wanna give. No reason about it, just the feeling of not wanting to give.

She gets mad... so what do you do? Some might be lost, wondering why the h**l is she fuming over it. Others... can't be bother with it. Well, i'm a little out of point here, but that's part of the package.

By reading, one can tell that this writer, or blogger (to be politically correct), is still single. Yes I am indeed. I'm not complaining that the grapes are soured. Recently I asked myself, when will I get attach again??? It does ponders me for quite a while, not that I'm yearning for one.

I looked into my life, I'm back to character building again. Not that I'm deteriorating, but I would like to fine tune the existing, thankfully, good traits and to improved on those bad habits I have. I would keep silence on either least I be tempted to boast the good ones and lavish shame on the bad ones.

So why am I doing all these? Partly so be responsible to myself as a person and also to prep myself for the one whom God is sending to me. Afterall, there's a saying in Chinese, "Human takes path that leads to high places whereas water flows down the path". Even if she doesn't comes, I still gain from the process of refinement.

It's a hard and painful process. Like purging gold to its purest form, the fire has to be set at high temperature. It is then, after heating for a period of time, that the gold will be purge to its purest form. The process of self-discovery is not a pleasant process. It's like having the light to shine into the darkest part of the heart, it can be a ugly sight. Perhaps one would regret shining the light. But I assume that it is something that I have to see in order to start the refinery process.

It is through this time, where my mood will be in topsy turvy condition. I may not recognise myself and going through an emotional roller-coaster. When the ride comes to a halt, I know I'll be smiling and laughing at the process. I'll be as refine as the gold, I'll be shining brightly but I am also will be in a very fraigile and vulnerable state.

Fragile and vulnerable??? Yes... very indeed. Gold is not stable in its purest form. It is weak and soft. The hardening process, will comes next. That... I hope, probably be when she appears and solidify my life.

Here are some of the photos from my recent performance, well... more of post performance. These are the good friends who came and supported me. However, there's a regret for my second routine. It could have turn out much more beautiful and memorable, but I guess I blew it.

Mr. Softie, mua and Ms Pleasant Personality

Softie, The Leader and Charmin' Sweetie Pie

Mua & Sandeep before our Mondo Magic

Willy mua & Pam after the performance

Gordon & fren


Aren't they drop dead GORGEOUS???
Well... that's all for the Mondo Magic Singapore Night...