Now, where do I begin?
Principles, Beliefs and Commitments. These are big words, and in itself, almost something that seems unattainable.
Have you believed in something at one point of your life only to falter in the later part? Have you tried holding on to something, that by knowledge you know it's worth dying for and only to waver?
It's tough. And even tougher when you seems to be all alone in this walk. How do you hold on?
There are times giving up is not an option because what you held on in the beginning proves to be so valuable. To the point ignoring or shelving it seems to prick your conscience, hard.
You feel worst entertaining the thought of giving up. The truth is, it cannot not be part of your life. To give up is to deny yourself and to deny what you are here for.
It's tough, it's painful and you are all alone in this. You have no one to turn to, no one to share with and no one to held on to. It seems like you are the only one walking through this pitch dark tunnel knowing that you will see light one day yet wanting to give up being in the middle of it all.
Integrity: to continue to commit despite how your emotions are telling you.
It's hard holding on a day at a time and walking a step at a time.
Integrity!
Friday, January 25, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Long Expired Post
My friends labelled me crazy and waste of time, but I do enjoy it.
My recent trip to Pulau Ubin was refreshing. I went just this Monday that past, 27th Oct 2008.
I spent time exploring the west area of Ubin, with initial plan to cover the entire island in 2 full days and boarding the noon boat home on the 3rd. And yes, here's the 'but', I have to work on Wednesday therefore I have to cut short my trip to 2 days 1 night. One other reason is that I am ill prepared for the trip.
Ok ok... I am weak (with all due honesty). I had like around 20kgs on my back pack plus a 4men tent. Of which, there are 6 bottles of 1.5litres of water and a 2.5litres waterbag, which totalled up of weight 11.5kgs. I don't know why do I bring so much of water???
I spent time exploring the west area of Ubin, with initial plan to cover the entire island in 2 full days and boarding the noon boat home on the 3rd. And yes, here's the 'but', I have to work on Wednesday therefore I have to cut short my trip to 2 days 1 night. One other reason is that I am ill prepared for the trip.
Ok ok... I am weak (with all due honesty). I had like around 20kgs on my back pack plus a 4men tent. Of which, there are 6 bottles of 1.5litres of water and a 2.5litres waterbag, which totalled up of weight 11.5kgs. I don't know why do I bring so much of water???
Perhaps it's due to my motto back in army days... "'Always have extra water when I'm outfield'.
Never regret living by that motto I must say. So yeah... along with the rest of the items (food and clothings), I suppose it adds up to about 20kg inclusive of the tent.
The initial walk was pretty alright, (wait... let me check my log sheet)
The Times We Had
Looking back is always difficult.
Things that are already a past, have you embraced it? or are you learning and trying to?
Some things you let go, some people too. Did you regret? or was the letting go a right choice you have made?
Would things turn out better if you hadn't or it may be worst if you had held on?
There will never be an answer to all our questions, the hypothetical ones that we churned out. Asking ourselves and perhaps, hoping that the answers are that of which we want to believe in.
So what have we got here? A heart that misses that past, a heart to hope and want to change the past that we, at times, sorrowfully wept.
Why would we want to change anything that brought us smiles anyway? Doesn't make sense right?
See, looking back, we usually see the sorrowful moments that brought us down and we wished it'd never happened.
It is just one half of the perspectives and the human's inclination to lean towards the negative part of our lives.
Is it time to let go? Or perhaps, we may want to consider start embracing the positive future, that has yet to come to past.
Things that are already a past, have you embraced it? or are you learning and trying to?
Some things you let go, some people too. Did you regret? or was the letting go a right choice you have made?
Would things turn out better if you hadn't or it may be worst if you had held on?
There will never be an answer to all our questions, the hypothetical ones that we churned out. Asking ourselves and perhaps, hoping that the answers are that of which we want to believe in.
So what have we got here? A heart that misses that past, a heart to hope and want to change the past that we, at times, sorrowfully wept.
Why would we want to change anything that brought us smiles anyway? Doesn't make sense right?
See, looking back, we usually see the sorrowful moments that brought us down and we wished it'd never happened.
It is just one half of the perspectives and the human's inclination to lean towards the negative part of our lives.
Is it time to let go? Or perhaps, we may want to consider start embracing the positive future, that has yet to come to past.
Friday, January 11, 2013
'That'...
What's on your mind tonight?
A sudden emptiness that fills your heart? Oxymoron but don't we get that at times?
Chasing after so many things to find that when you come to the end of the road, it's futile. What or who can really fill the void?
Perhaps an answer that you may never find. Or perhaps an answer you chose to ignore, thinking that once you get what you are after, you will be fulfilled.
At least you may be chasing blindly, with a hope of being fulfilled. That may not be too may, with one being occupied by the processes of chasing the clouds.
So what if you know that you are chasing the clouds? That truth will not release you at all. In fact, it may let you sink in deeper into the void that you are trying to fill.
Solutions? Create another false front to cover up the illusion that you created.
Does it work? Perhaps not, unless you are that good in self deceiving yourself. You are the best liar to yourself. You created goals, dreams and ideas.
You seek to achieve it, with distinction. You failed and sunken deep within. You get depressed and blame the world for failing you. You grew bitter and tight up.
Perhaps you look at the light; seeing the next morning to be another sunshine day. Tomorrow will be a better day! You firmly believe in your words. Your words failed you tremendously. The world sucks!
How can you live another day? without pain? You can't. You are handicapped from your own optimistic view. You handicapped yourself from the bitterness that spawn within you.
Where is the hope? Where is the sunshine after the rain?
You have no where to turn to... You wait. And wait...
In the hope of that... 'That' which you do not know, 'That' which you wished it was coming, 'That' which you wished it will rescue you, 'That'... what is that 'That'?
'That', you wish it is...
A sudden emptiness that fills your heart? Oxymoron but don't we get that at times?
Chasing after so many things to find that when you come to the end of the road, it's futile. What or who can really fill the void?
Perhaps an answer that you may never find. Or perhaps an answer you chose to ignore, thinking that once you get what you are after, you will be fulfilled.
At least you may be chasing blindly, with a hope of being fulfilled. That may not be too may, with one being occupied by the processes of chasing the clouds.
So what if you know that you are chasing the clouds? That truth will not release you at all. In fact, it may let you sink in deeper into the void that you are trying to fill.
Solutions? Create another false front to cover up the illusion that you created.
Does it work? Perhaps not, unless you are that good in self deceiving yourself. You are the best liar to yourself. You created goals, dreams and ideas.
You seek to achieve it, with distinction. You failed and sunken deep within. You get depressed and blame the world for failing you. You grew bitter and tight up.
Perhaps you look at the light; seeing the next morning to be another sunshine day. Tomorrow will be a better day! You firmly believe in your words. Your words failed you tremendously. The world sucks!
How can you live another day? without pain? You can't. You are handicapped from your own optimistic view. You handicapped yourself from the bitterness that spawn within you.
Where is the hope? Where is the sunshine after the rain?
You have no where to turn to... You wait. And wait...
In the hope of that... 'That' which you do not know, 'That' which you wished it was coming, 'That' which you wished it will rescue you, 'That'... what is that 'That'?
'That', you wish it is...
Sunday, March 28, 2010
An Improvement???!!
decided to read my blog out of sudden while 'hunting' Rena's blog. Still can't find it (sorry LN if you happened to read this, i reformatted my pc and all bookmarks are erased).
the main point: I managed to 'spot' my grammatical errors in my previous blog.
I found it horrendous and disdained that my grammar was that bad. i still am but improving as time goes.
somehow, i did not consciously worked on the improvement, but it somehow hit the sub-conscious mind and Wahlah... I improved.
I wished i had put in effort during school days and get it all right, but i did not. Still, i don't think it's too late to start now.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
My Rejected Soul
Rejection comes upon me and my heart
My soul cries out in sorrow and despair
Why your face turns away from me?
And you heard, when I call
I turned and call upon You
You comforted and embraced me
You reject me not, like man does
And You heard, when I call
I wondered where the broken line is
Why and what caused the tear
I am deeply disturbed and my soul troubled
How, then, can be tear be mend?
I turn my focus upon He who loves
He calls me by my name softly by my ear
My love is all you need and fear not of rejection
For I was there when I was rejected
He keeps Me close.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
I'm back... but who's reading anyway..???
Yes... that sounds pathetic because it's pathetic.
There are many things I want to write in here, but I can't. Don't ask me why... the reason is bigger that I am.
Nevertheless, I still can share some other mundane stuff.
Started my training for next year's biathalon. Yes yes... I started with my short run, real short indeed. Timing for last year was 1hr 55mins. I want to go below 1hr 30mins.
I think it's possible, just gotta work hard. Hopefully I start on my swim soon.
What else???
Gosh... I just can't share on so many things. It's good and bad.
Oh well... I'll stop here then!
Monday, June 09, 2008
I'm back...!!!
The fact is... 'no one' reads this blog. I don't 'advertise' it nor do it tell all my friends so why the heck am I putting an entry anyway?
Doesn't matter eh. I write just because I can and I'm able to.
It's been almost two years since I add an entry. Well, that real long man or was it not?
Time flies...
I actually forgot my blog's addy and that I did had a blog page. It wasn't until my so-called 'English Teacher' asked me if I had a blog when I sent her my 'homework'.
She asked me if I had a blog (via email) and I was like... I think I do. So I went around hunting for my blog addy. And yes, I forgot my blog's addy and sign in name. It took me more the 30mins hunting around, testing & searching the correct blog addy that I eventually 'found' my blog's addy and sent it to my 'English Teacher'.
Part of your life (or things) slipped you by if one lost the awareness. I didn't remember that I had a blog till Michelle (my English Teacher) asked me, and I certainly didn't take note about it even when my friends mentioned that they are going to blog their lives.
Why do I even bother to blog 'again'??
No idea. Like I mentioned above, no one reads this blog.
Perhaps I'm just seeking the 'attention' from myself. :P
It's been a long while... and I'll be back eh...
With Love
Doesn't matter eh. I write just because I can and I'm able to.
It's been almost two years since I add an entry. Well, that real long man or was it not?
Time flies...
I actually forgot my blog's addy and that I did had a blog page. It wasn't until my so-called 'English Teacher' asked me if I had a blog when I sent her my 'homework'.
She asked me if I had a blog (via email) and I was like... I think I do. So I went around hunting for my blog addy. And yes, I forgot my blog's addy and sign in name. It took me more the 30mins hunting around, testing & searching the correct blog addy that I eventually 'found' my blog's addy and sent it to my 'English Teacher'.
Part of your life (or things) slipped you by if one lost the awareness. I didn't remember that I had a blog till Michelle (my English Teacher) asked me, and I certainly didn't take note about it even when my friends mentioned that they are going to blog their lives.
Why do I even bother to blog 'again'??
No idea. Like I mentioned above, no one reads this blog.
Perhaps I'm just seeking the 'attention' from myself. :P
It's been a long while... and I'll be back eh...
With Love
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